Monday, May 4, 2009

Characters > Rory

The Rormeister is Katherine's boyfriend and has quit his job in the middle of the recession to come hang here with us for the last 3 months of Katherine's year.  After that he's gonna return to do a PHD at Yale.  Lucky bloke.  

He's been here almost a month and pretty much has been sick at any point where one would really rather not.  He doesn't make good decisions regarding food.  

Rob:  Chicken Rory?  Really?.  You've been on the toilet for 2 days.  Why not go with the veg?
Rory: No big cat...I've got a good feeling about this!
Rob: I think you should reconsider.
Rory: Oh, look at this a ham, cheese, toastie.
Rob: Ham, Rory?  Really?
Rory: You think no ham hey? Yeah, I suppose that's a good decision.  I'm glad you're here man, OK, Raj, just get me an Ice Cream Float.
Raj: Uh, sur, we madea  mistake on the menu, we can't do ice cream float, that one is meant to be coffee with ice cream in it.
Rory:  Well I don't want that!  That sounds horrible.  How about a milkshake?
Raj: We can't do milkshake sir, there's no power.  
Rory: Damn, I really wanted that too...
Raj: Well, we could do it manually for you.
Rory:   Oh no Raj, don't worry about it, get me the ice cream float.
Raj: Sir...the...
Rory: Yeah, yeah, no power, OK. I mean the coffee thing.
Rob: Good decision mate.
Rory: No, its not.  I HATE coffee man.

Recently, having suffered a 2 day session of intimate love-making with Charpi, Rory became my self-appointed poo doctor.  The man is an expert.  He warned me against taking too many drugs to combat it as I'd be stopped up for days.  However, after 2 days I was at the point where mainly clear water was making its way out my poop-hole, I thought it was time to put an end to it all.  Blocking myself up with immodium (Gastro-Stop) appeared not to be working, until I woke up on Friday.  

Rory: I told you not to use that'll be a lucky man if you ever get to poop again, man!
Rob: You have no idea what it was like.  I couldn't go an hour without running to the toilet!
Rory: Of course I know what it was like.  You are talking with a man who has been having his own love affair with the toilet for the better part of three weeks.  I actually feel the best today that I have ever felt for my whole time in Nepal.  This is really quite a special moment.
Rob: But now I am totally stopped up. I need to go before the music festival this weekend!  I can't go riding on a bus for 3 hours like this!
Rory: you should have thought of that before you pumped yourself full of those drugs man.  I'm gonna tell you a story.  Its a story about the American Dream.  The American Dream is the one that just comes out, no effort, thought or exertion need be made on your part.  Wiping is purely optional because you don't really need to (but you do anyway).  That my friend, is the American Dream.  One day, it can be your dream. 


  1. Ah....poop. Its a uniter of nations, i tells ya....

  2. What is it about AYADS that we can have entire conversations (and blog posts!) about taking a crap?

    Now that I'm back in the real world I'm gonna have to work on this, as I don't think it's a conversation 'normal' people like to have...

    PS 10 months in a developing country, and not a single incident of food poisoning! Woot!