It's Easter Sunday . I haven't written in more than a month. I have been busy with the guys and Lauren here. But even so, I have definitely had time to write. I have forced down the compulsion to write anything because I don't want to have to confront these feelings.
I let myself get silly drunk last night. I had hoped for a biggish gathering at my place following the Hash. The Hash itself was an epic 2-3 hour death march that Rosie and I had to shortcut for our own sanity. I was hoping for a bit gathering so that I wouldn't be alone long enough to realise that I am alone again for another 3 months. There's a quarter and a bit left to this assignment and while part of me finds it very easy to deal with that and why I want to see it out, another part of me thinks that first part is totally insane and tries to talk him out of it.
Due to the death marching quality of yesterday's Hash our gathering was a relaxed group of 4, one fighting off nausea, and another fighting an uncontrollable urge to sleep while I determinedly ate too much for my stomach to hold in, between bouts of incessant chattering. The other person was left to flit between the three of us and out rampaging illness, interfering emotions and uncontrollable fatigue/negativity -well not really, but none of us was really glowing with the fantasticness of the run that we just completed.
Today passed in a haze of desperate internet browsing, hangover food, cards, a nap and a 2 or 3 hours of solid reading. All designed for the same thing, the same goal. Don't let the brain have time to think lest dribble like this start pouring from my hand through a pen to paper. I was desperate to find media - movies, music, news - or even gossip from friends back home to distract myself from the horrible realisation that 3 months is still an epic quarter of my assignment and I am living alone.
That, and that the Blues lost by 4 f'ings point to the Bombers yesterday in a clincher I should have been at, at the MCG. Damn the internet and its ability to keep me informed wherever I am in the world.